hAlO: The Reel Story
by WildDeuces117
Summary: new chapter is up. and i am finished. plz reveiw. i worked too hard for 3 reviews!
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: You know I don't own Halo, so don't hate!**_

_**This is what really happened before the discovery of the first halo. How masterchief became who he was. By the way Eric Nylund LIED TO ALL OF US! This is what really happened!**_

_**(No…not really cries )**_

_**hAlO-the reel story**_

Chapter 1 

3557, master chiefs log:

Space, the final frontier. It…is…a…vast…and…open vacuum…

British voice wait a tic, this is the captain's log, not the master chief's log. This is how it should be.

Master Chief's Log 1/17/117b.c. (Before Covenant):

I've heard that war is hell, but the people that say that should really come around the SPARTAN training center on REACH. I know that we are only 7 and 8 years old but everyone picked, "the special people," are babies! I am a genius compared to anyone here! And to top that I am only 7 years old. Not to mention, the Instructors creep me out. They are kinda like the people that my mom warned me to stay away from. They make us stand out in the cold every morning with only our underwear on. They say it is to teach us to not be afraid. Personally, I don't think that's the reason.

Please O' great Chuck Norris, free me from this prison!

Today was Monday. That meant that it was MRE style hot dogs (half a hot dog in grayish moldy cracker with artificial bacon flavor). There was a protein shake that went with it that was supposed to wash it down, but it only backed me up. When it finally came time to go I was given a small 4x4, single-ply piece of paper. I couldn't even fold it. I hate this place. Did I mention that I'm the only worthy, useful, strong, and smart one here?

Journal of Private Piles 1969a.d.:

I don't want to be here. No one likes me.

WTF:

Sorry about that mix up it's just that I was watching TV while doing this. Just to tell you I don't want to be here either sob … someone stomps away Okay that wasn't me there, now just enjoy the story.

Commander Humbugnessness's Log:

If you think my last name is long you should see my first name.

On their third day of training the young SPARTANS were sent out to capture a drop ship. That was three days ago.

Wait I am getting word that they have all made it back with the exception of the really slow runner, Kellen. She should be along in a couple of days.

Master Chief's Log 1/19/117b.c.:

Once again I've proven myself smarter than everyone else.

We were sent on a mission to capture one of the drop ships from the woods. As predicted all the others cried like babies. So, I killed the guards, single handedly, and carried the "little babies" to the ship. Then after hijacking the ship from the lazy A.I. Deja, I flew us back home. Now the somewhat _annoying_ commander wants to talk to me.

In the office of Commander Humbugnessnessness:

"Did you weally do all the above."

"Yes, Commander." I said gloomily. Man this guy is an idiot

"Awww don't look so sad little Johnny-Wonnykins. My advisos told me to tell you something weally weally impoitant and I will now tell you that weally impoitant thing. You reading a card of what to tell John (yes that is his real name) have been demoted, uh oops, pwomoted from pwivate to Masta Chiefy Wiefy."

Master Chief's log that night:

Wow, sarcasm more responsibility. Once again I will say that I am smarter than the adults here.

I will kill them all…uhhh, no I won't. You didn't here me think that. Uhhh…. Peace! Little chief Runs away 

**In case you've noticed I've been quoting and making fun of a few movies. You would have if you're a movie fan. Well, chapter 2, comin' at you soon. While you wait you could listen to Iron Maiden, buy one of their cd's, come back and chapter 2 will be here.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 

Master Chief's log 1/23/117:

I got into a fight today with this kid (someone who doesn't look stupid) named Sephiroth Jr. or something like that. The weird thing is that his hair was long and gray and he was only 7. I mean this kid looked like he was a cross between a surfer and a 117 year old.

It went like this:

We started talking about how superior we were and then this really weird opera music came on from out of nowhere. Then, I said "is that your song, 'cus it sucks." So I hit him in the face as he pulled this really long sword out of bumblefart nowhereville. Then, he "accidentally" stabbed Kellen as she walked even slower than usual, in front of him. As they tried to heal her, Sephiroth Jr. said, "Those stabbed by my blade don't get back up." At that very moment, she died. Oh well sarcasm again . Sepiroth Jr. was taken and sent on a "mission" to the firing range. He hasn't come back yet. Two retards gone 117 to go.

Journal of… HADO-KEN!

OHMYGODIMONFIRE!

Master Chief's log 1/24/117at 100a.m.

116 left to go. Tom just randomly caught on fire again and now he's dead.

The next morning:

I just found out that my smartness is at a tie with Chief Mendenez…oh never mind he just shot himself. 115 left

I just figured out that the amount of morons left here is the same number of days until my weapons training with much smarter people… at least, I hope their smart.

The next day:

Today was the best day yet there is this kid who is willing to learn and be a smart kid. He can only learn from me though because I'm the only smart one here. Sometimes I wish I could be the one that teaches everyone, and then maybe there might be an effective fighting force.

Well this kid, Sam, is turning out to be somewhat of a pyrotechnic. He's always coming up with a new way of making fireworks. His latest was shooting a Zippo with an exploding bullet. Thank Chuck Norris he's smart enough not to set himself on fire.

I have to be going to dinner now it's M.R.E. style cold cut sandwiches (a cracker that dries out your mouth, dehydrated mustard, and extremely salty ham. To wash it all down there is powdered milk. Now I just have to find some water.

Sam's log 1/25/117:

(Smegal voice) Sam like fire. My precious burns and Sam like.

John's log 1/25/117:

Sam's starting to creep me out worse than the instructors do. He calls bombs, matches, and lighters "My preciouses". The good thing is that when he's not around fire he is smarter than me, finally. I'm starting to like this kid.

John's log 1/28/117:

Today was my birthday. It sucked. We all got "a gift" from the funders of the operation. They gave us these injections that make us stronger, quicker (Kellen needed that), and smarter. That last one hasn't worked on everyone yet. Only some of us survived becoming smarter, thank Chuck Norris! We've been divided into three teams of five. I'm stuck with Kellen's much slower twin Ellen, Sam, and, thank Chuck Norris, two smart, strong and fast kids (Paul and, a born camper, Loise.) We make up the red five.

Master Chief's log 3/21/117:

We have suffered a most non-triumphant, but excellent loss. You see we were training with live ammo and Ellen trudged…uhh in my line of fire…yeah that's what happened, and died.

Just to let you know there is something screwy with the year but I'm 18 now.

**So, how did you like it? There are more funny movie lines and characters coming in the next chapter. Please send your reviews. I am hoping someone knew why it was Tom who got set on fire.**

**Peace.**


	3. Chapter 3

_In this next chapter our friends get a new special item that makes them who they are. Also you've probably noticed that I am saying "John's log" now, it is just to save time. No enjoy._

Chapter 3

John's log 6/6/117:

Dr. Hasley, the "scientist", wants us for something. Commander Humbugnessnessness says it is a "wondeful suppwise" for all of us.

Later that day:

Wow, sarcasm, what a wonderful thing this is. They gave us white suits right out of Star Wars. I feel like a clone. Now all we need is a Jedi to lead us.

Commander Humbugnessnessness's log:

Damn he figured out my surprise. I shouldn't have bought this Jedi uniform and genuine Lightsaber.

And no I haven't been looking at John's log every night after dinner while he's in the bathroom.

John's log 6/18/117:

I got a great gift today from my parents. It's a personal computer. I'm online now.

John's Computer:

Page: SPARTANprogram.Earth…popup…a popup popping up on a popup that was popping up after a deleted popup on a home page…l-o-a-d-I-n-g- -m-I-s-s-I-o-n- -s-p-e-c-s- -e-x-t-r-e-m-e-l-y- -s-l-o-w-..popup…loading restart.-.-.-.-.popup… popup while loading after restarting a load after deleting a popup that popped up on a popup, which popped up on a home page-popup.

John's log 6/18/117 (10 minutes later):

Should've gotten popup blocker when they asked. Only an extra five bucks they said. But no John, you had to think it was another scam.

I have to go.Sam just set Ellen's slowly decaying body on fire. I take back what I said about him being smart.

Sam's log 6/18/117:

Fire on Ellen's body very good. Sam like fire.

Sam has to go now I'm being sent on a special mission to the firing range. yay, fire and a range to burn things in.

John's log 6/19/117

We're down to thirteen now, Sam is gone. He went to the firing range, that's all I have to say.

Now we're getting these new suits again. They said that their better than the old ones.

Later:

There just the same suits painted black and there is a gas mask on it. What now, Darth Vader's going to lead us.

Commander Humbugnessnessness's log:

Damn not again. I just wasted more money.

John's log 9/8/117:

It has been three years since my last log. We were sent out on a huge mission to stop these aliens in the deep reaches of space. There are only two teams of us left.

This is what happened:

We were sent to this planet called Cote de Azur. The word was that it had been overrun. First we met a team of lazy grunts. They were so high on methane that they thought we were trees. Since no one else on my team felt like killing them, I did the dirty work. Next we found an outpost of marines. There were only about seven left so we stayed. But we had to go and nuke a city. Of course, my team didn't want to go. I had to drag them into the Warthog. I stupidly left them to guard the car while I set the bomb. I set the bomb, killed two hunters, and booked to the car, which was circling around me. I better get promoted.

John's log 9/10/117

I didn't get promoted. I killed those friggin' dumbass elites for nothing. Gotta go, I'm being briefed on a new mission.

Commander Humbugnessnessness:

You, red and blue team, are going on a mission to attack the covenant. Now go.

John's log that night:

My life just got so great. Both red and blue teams are dead except for me and a semi-dead sniper.

Just as we shipped out we had to go back to help REACH which was under attack. I was sent on recon with my team of two while blue was sent to help out on REACH. Paul got picked off right away. Me and Loise were left to fight. We had to get the info on earth before the other side did. To make a long story short, I got the disk, Loise got shot and I fought to the Pillar of Autumn. Then I put her into a cryotube. Man, those things are hard to figure out. After that I got thrown into one.

WTF!

If john is in the cryotube, who's writing in his log… gunshots …that's for us to know and you to find out in the next chapter.

**So that's chapter 3 and I'm going kind of slow with the chapters. Sorry if there wasn't too much comedy in the end there. Okay now that that's done ch4 will be along soon.**


	4. Chapter 4

_In this next chapter I've decided to mix this great movie I saw last week. Hopefully some of you know it._

Chapter 4

John's log 1/1/01a.d. (after destruction of REACH):

The people who say what day it is finally got it right for once.

I got to go now; captain McManus wants to see me. Said something about the fall of REACH and a covenant attack and some ring outside.

The Bridge:

"John, said Captain McManus. I need you to take this useless AI and protect her. Then I need you to get of this ship with her, my twin brother Murphy, and his marines. Go to the ring and start a resistance. I will be in to check on you soon. Oh, and by the way, Murphy is only a sergeant and complains that he should be co-captain. Here take this empty pistol and fight your way off the ship. Take care now."

"But Connor."

"I don't want to hear it Murphy. Chief, just to let you know, Murphy's a hell of a fighter."

John's log, the next day:

Damn captain was right about two things: Murphy's whining and fighting. The man knows his way around a pistol if you know what I'm saying. But then when we got in the escape pod, he whined his ass of that I did too much killing. I had to make up the difference though because the marines (all totaled) only took out one and a half elites. What happened to the other half, I'm not to sure about.

I gotta go, we're landing.

On the ring:

The escape ship was heading for an area of woods.

Boom! Crash, crash, crash, crash, 

"Murphy! You here?" asked the Chief.

"Yes Chief. Is anyone else alive?"

"No."

"We should look for others and start that underground resistance," said Murphy.

"Yeah"

One hour later…

"Hey look a lifeboat," said Murphy.

"How come there crew is alive and ours isn't?" asked the Chief.

"Uh, I didn't kill them because they were being babies while your were hitting on the pilot and not caring what we were doing," explained Murphy.

"Yeah sure," said the chief. "How did you know I was hitting on her? Oh never mind. Anyway our mission is over."

About an hour later:

"Chief," said Cortana. "Captain McManus has been captured and is being held on a ship that has been stupidly placed right over there. You have to take these useless marines and save him."

"Okay…Wait, what?"

"Alright here's what you do. Sneak to the gravity lift were you have to wait for five waves of elites and grunts to die before you can go up. Then, you go up and kill the invisible elites that come in the door. Meander through the random hallways until you get to an empty jail room where I tell you that you have to keep going to the other jail room. By this time the other marines you brought are dead and there will be invisible elites again. Fight them off with the captain and the other captives. Then I will tell you that there is another drop ship that you have the captain pilot back to where we are setting up camp."

"Please repeat that again."

Well that is my next chapter. I kind of rushed it because I haven't updated in awhile. Please review. I'm trying my best to make you laugh so please. Oh yeah and thanks Mr. Staypuft and DexterMacoy for the good reviews


	5. Chapter 5

_In the next chapter, I am going to add two levels of the game the way I see it. So here it is. Sorry I haven't been updating lately. I do have a life._

Chapter 5

John's Log 1/2/01 a.d.

Today me, Murphy, and a platoon of marines have to find this map room. I just wasn't to get this over with. Got to go now I'm attacking a base.

On the ring:

Master Chief and Murphy almost single-handedly take out an islands worth of Covenant. Now they are taking on those dumbasses called hunters.

play-by-play And master Chief easily takes down one hunter by poking it with a twig. Now lets watch how Murphy deals with his hunter. Oh it's already dead from methane overdose. Now here he comes, Murphy, a word plea- gunshots . "Yes," says Murphy. "SHUT UP!!!"

Disembodied voice:

That now concludes our broadcast day.

John's log that night:

I think Murphy and me can take care of the rest the Covenant in this Fic. Hell I could write this journal while he fights.

Statement by Murphy McManus:

"I did not kill those announcers today. They only… crossed… into… my… line… of… fire reading card …yeah I'll go with that.

John's log that night, _again_ (I can't remember the date I typed up there):

I'm on my own. Murphy just got sent to a special mission to the firing range (he will die soon).

Now that I have found the map I can infiltrate the control room (so many rooms). Of course I have to do it on my own even though I'm getting human shields recovery I mean backup. Well here I go.

In the control room:

"Cortana this is the Captain speaking, I'm going to find this weapons depot that is really going to unleash these things called the Flood and then you and Master Chief will have to stop them by blowing up the ring with the reactors in the Autumn. You will be almost stopped by the little robotic thing that buzzes around your ear all day John taking notes . The Master Chief will then take a warthog through the Autumn, which is really big, and take the very last shuttle from the ship. That was a mouthful. Bye. P.S. I die because of the Flood overtaking my body."

Chief: "Wow, we better get started"

_FIN_

Well that was it. It took me a long time but I did it. How did you like that ending? There wasn't any comedy in there I know. This was just sitting in my saved files and I wanted to finish it. Maybe if I find I have no life and you send reviews, I will do Halo 2. And once again hint to "carnivorousmarshmallow" I have a life. Good-bye


End file.
